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Faux Outrage

Literally the most important blog in the universe since 2010.

I have been informed that my writing is nothing but a series of witticisms.  I was shocked and appalled hear that statement. Not so much because I don’t think my writing is, as the Webster’s Unrevised Dictionary puts it, “an attempt at wit” or (and I like this one better) “a message whose ingenuity or verbal skill or incongruity has the power to evoke laughter”, but because I have never heard of the word witticism.

In looking up the word “witticism”, I unfortunately discovered that I am unaware of almost any word which refers to (apparently) my genre of writing.  Among the synonyms I found for “witticism” that I believe to be totally made up are:

attic wit, attic salt; atticism; salt, esprit, drollery, farce, broad farce, espieglerie; vis comica, jocularity, jocosity, jocoseness; facetiousness, cream of the jest, waggery, waggishness, badinage, repartee, facetiae, capital joke; canorae nugae, quiddity, concetto, plaisanterie, mot, mot pour rire, bon-mot, jeu d’esprit, jest book; dry joke quodlibet.

It was English thesaurus too, not French, I promise.  My goal is to somehow incorporate these words into my daily speech and see if I don’t get the “cream of the jest” beaten clear out of me.  Don’t worry, I have other goals, too.  I hope to raise a nice family, live in peace and harmony, do the best I can to, as they say, “make a difference”, but most of all, I hope one day to run down an “Up” escalator.

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to gauge if I have “made a difference” or even if I have “lived in peace and harmony”, but what I can determine is whether or not I’ve run down an Up escalator.  I think the former goals I mention (a la peace, harmony, serenity, etc), if not included with some other escalator-esque goal or goals, are for the most part, fluffy ways of saying “I have no goals”.  Remember this witticism (note: word of the day) when I’m standing on the Mr. Teen USA pedestal responding to the question “Mr. Teen New York: What do you hope to accomplish when, I mean if, you win Mr. Teen USA?”  You won’t hear me babbling about World Peace.  It’s all about the escalators, baby.

All I’m trying to say here (in the most convoluted and droll way possible) is that we should all take a step back and ask ourselves what we actually want to do while existing here on this floating multi-colored mass.  Long term goals are essential to achieving, but what differentiates me from you and you from everyone else are our measurable goals; goals that can be realized mentally and then realized physically.

We all need to take some time out of our busy schedules to run down those figurative escalators…

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